Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
