that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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