SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I just threw up on my dentist
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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