he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
