There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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