please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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