why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize