Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
