i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
