I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
People in love make me want to vomit
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Randomize
