Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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