Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
