Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
