I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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