Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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