This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I think your dad took our porno
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
