i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
the condom got lost in my hair
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Randomize
