omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
