I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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