I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
