this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
