If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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