My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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