If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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