I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
