So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
