I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
