How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Randomize
