Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
