if only i could text you this smell
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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