I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
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