fuck your aforementioned shoe
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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