I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
