also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
