margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize