Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
