so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
