Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
