I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Randomize
