literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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