Taylor Swift is so right about you.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
