Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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