Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Randomize
