My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I wish i was in the wii world.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
