I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize