I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize