Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
