what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize