Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Randomize
