OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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