while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
