he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
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