my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
