Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
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