We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
If its not for food we ain't going out.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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