You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
