I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
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