Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I cannot find my penis.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
