yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
