That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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