Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
