I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
