I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
