Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
