My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
