So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
