I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize