theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
only you would photoshop your dick
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
