i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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