Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
