So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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