They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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