I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Is it penis luge time yet?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
