we have pet lesbian snakes
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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