i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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