WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I am midnight drunk by noon
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
