I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
