Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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