We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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