So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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