yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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