I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
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