this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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