It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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