if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
