Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
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