Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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