yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Randomize
