Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
How naked do you want me to be?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
