I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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