look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
