He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Houston, we have a blender
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize