wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
