PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
