His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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