I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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