He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
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