so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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