I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
