My sheets look like a crime scene.
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize