I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
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