And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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