Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
