NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize