i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
babies were throwing up all over the place
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
All the doctor said was why
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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