So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
