She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize