I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
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