I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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