Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
