STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize