Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
