I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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